I came across a provocatively titled blog article, “I hate adoption” that is an important read, and I encourage you to get past the title. This essay provides another side of adoption that we don’t hear much about – the voices of the adoptive siblings.
While some readers may not agree with the author’s conclusions (and the author does express some very specific religious views), the author’s experiences about the impact of adoption on the children already in the home is an important one. We must remember that when we are considering how we are preparing adoptive parents and adoptive children for this huge transition that we are also thoughtfully thinking about how we are preparing the children in the home for this life-altering endeavor.
Ms. Pucket, the author, writes:
It’s hard being an adoptive sister. The harder you pretend all is well, the further you get from the truth. Because all is not well. Adoption isn’t a fun way to gain siblings, it involves restoration and rebuilding a life that has been torn to the ground and trampled upon. All is not okay and it never will be. Adoption is a fight. I’ve had days when I am so weary I don’t want to get out of bed. I have had days when I cussed out God and told Him to rewind it all and give me my life back. I have had days when I ignored my sister because of how much her words cut into my very soul “we all hate you.” Sure, she has faced her fair share of suffering, but day after endless day I face my own heartaches because of their pasts.
A resource that could be very helpful for families considering adopting when there are biological children in the home is Arleta James’ book, Welcoming a New Brother or Sister Through Adoption.
You can also view some video clips James created along with Greg Keck to help prospective and adoptive families consider how adding adopted children might impact the family. These videos are helpful in hearing first hand from not just the adoptive parents, but also the biological children and adoptive children about their experiences.
Click here to read about the families, and on the website to access the videos, click on the “videos” header and choose from the drop down menu.