By Jane F. Gilgun and Samantha Hirschey, University of Minnesota, Twin Cities, USA

In blog 5, we discussed definitions, the experiences of survivors of relational aggression, and the long-term developmental risks of these behaviors for survivors. In this blog, we discuss the meanings of relational aggression to perpetrators. We also show how aggression is an executive function issue, meaning that girls may not understand the consequences of their behaviors, disregard commonly-held rules of conduct, and may have serious issues with self-regulation.

Why Girls Engage in Relational Aggression

Girls engage in relational aggression for many different reasons. Girls’ aggression is typically reactive, rather than instrumental, and is often more verbal than physical. Girls are also more likely than boys to be aggressive toward those with whom they have close relationships, such as friends, siblings, and other family members. When relational aggression is instrumental, one or more girls may have taken a dislike to another and use relational aggression to keep her away from them. They may not understand the consequences of their exclusion of other girls.

Relational aggression can be based on desires for affiliation, power, and status. Other motivations for relational aggression include creating excitement to elevate mood, group inclusion, jealousy, revenge, and self-protection.

Relational aggression may also stem from viewing others with contempt because of their perceived worthlessness that originate in widely-held attitudes and prejudices about classes of people based on their social attributes. Adults concerned about girls’ aggression, therefore, will be effective to the extent that they can create conditions where girls explore their beliefs related to race and ethnicity, gender, sexual orientation and identity, and any other issue and stereotypes that underlie their aggression. Girls’ aggression also may experience racism where they receive unfair treatment and biases about their attributes. Girls’ aggression may stem from their own experiences of hurt, sense of worthlessness, and beliefs about their own lovability (Christa Nelson, personal communication, May 2015).

Relational aggression is rooted sensitive, private issues that girls may be reluctant to share. Adults who can effectively lead girls through an examination and letting go of these beliefs and hurts would have capacities for creating a sense of safety, or safe havens. Safe havens are based upon relationships of trust. Blog 10 will provide guidelines for developing trusting relationships. In this blog, we continue to do further explorations of relational aggression.

Social Status

Perpetrators of relational aggression may be of high or low status. High status individuals possess traits considered positive by others, whereas low status individuals possess traits considered negative or socially bothersome. Schools are a frequent setting for relational aggression and high-status perpetrators, such as those who are popular, skilled, and competitive, may go unnoticed by staff if they possess academic or athletic strengths.

High status perpetrators whose positive traits may be highlighted in the classroom or on sports teams may be given the benefit of the doubt by teachers, coaches and parents. This propensity to give benefit of the doubt fuels a common misconception by adults that relational aggression is a typical adolescent behavior that doesn’t require intervention. Another common misperception is that all bullies have low self-esteem. Girls who are socially advanced and have verbal prowess are able to sophisticatedly verbally abuse targets, directly or indirectly, often for the amusement of others. These young people might change their behaviors if adults help them see how harmful and unfair their actions are.

Qualities Associated with Relational Aggression

Family characteristics associated with relational aggression are similar to those linked to other forms of aggression. Parents who encourage their children to respond to troublesome behaviors with aggression and who engage in aggressive behaviors themselves are prime sources of girls’ aggression. Through coaching and modeling, young people learn that aggression is appropriate and even necessary to maintain order and self-respect. The types of aggression in which young people engage are those they have witnessed, experienced directly, and have seen parents and others approve and promote.

In some cases, young people only need adults to point out that their behaviors are hurtful and unjust, and they stop. Young people sometimes don’t understand the consequences of their behaviors without help from others. Those who do stop typically do not have complex trauma and have not been exposed to models of aggressive behaviors over a long period of time.

When working with young people with aggressive behaviors, it is important to assess for risk and protective factors in order to plan for the kinds of interventions that might be effective with individual young people. One size does not fit all. Some young people may benefit from a brief conversation while others require relationship-building and systematic interventions.

Questions to Consider

Please feel free to leave a comment on today’s blog. As you think about the blog, we wonder how you are responding to the ideas we presented. We hope you consider the following questions.

  •  Young people learn to use relational aggression in their relationships with others. What experiences have you had that give you confidence that you as a professional can be effective in influencing young people to stop their relational aggression?
  • Have you been able to engage parents when their influence on their children is harmful? In your experience, what are the conditions under which parents become engaged, change their behaviors, and the behaviors of their children become prosocial in situations that in the past led to aggression?
  • Have you been able to work with school personnel who don’t understand the behaviors of children in your caseload? What are the conditions under which school personnel are responsive to your concerns?

Next Blog

The next blog continues discussions of girls’ aggression, focusing on executive function and self-regulation, two qualities associated with aggression.

About the Authors

Jane F. Gilgun, Ph.D., LICSW, is a professor, School of Social Work, University of Minnesota, Twin Cities, USA. She was a child welfare social worker for more than eight years and has taught courses and done qualitative research on high-risk children and families for many years. A special focus of her research is factors associated with good outcomes when children have experienced complex trauma. Professor Gilgun’s articles, books, and practice manuals are widely available on the internet. Many of them are free.

Samantha Hirschey is a second year master’s student at the School of Social Work, University of Minnesota, USA, and Professor Gilgun’s research assistant. She did her first year internship at the St. Paul Public Schools and her second internship will be at the Community-University Health Care Center that provides mental health services to residents of the inner city of Minneapolis. She has worked in a variety of social service agencies including with children, teens, and adults with mental illnesses and developmental disabilities. She has a special interest in the promotion of integrated behavioral health in children and families.

References

Crick, N. R. (1997) Engagement in gender normative versus nonnormative forms of aggression: Links to social-psychological adjustment. Developmental Psychology, 33(4), 610-617.

Crick, N.R. & Grotpeter, J.K. (1995). Relational aggression, gender, and social-psychological adjustment. Child Development, 66 (3), 710-722.

Hammel, L. R. (2008). Bouncing back after bullying: The resiliency of female victims of relational aggression. Mid-Western Educational Researcher, 21(2), 3-14.

Letendre, J. (2007). “Sugar and spice but not always nice:” Gender socialization and its impact on development and maintenance of aggression in adolescent girls. Child & Adolescent Social Work Journal. 24(4), 353-366.

Pronk, R.E. & Zimmer-Gembeck, M.J. (2010) It’s “mean,” but what does it mean to adolescents? Relational aggression described by victims, aggressors, and their peers. Journal of Adolescent Research. 25(2) 175-204