“Mother and Child” by Janis Rozentals

Today’s guest blogger is Emily Lemke.

One article which truly dispels myths and preconceived notions regarding domestic adoption is titled “The Dark, Sad Side of Domestic Adoption,” written by Jennifer Gilmore.  Gilmore’s article appeared online via The Atlantic on April 30, 2013.

Gilmore provides a first-hand perspective of a mother waiting to adopt a child through domestic adoption. The article outlines the roller-coaster of emotions experienced when considering adoption, participating in the process of adoption, and finally, the anxiety and joy of bringing a child home. Gilmore describes her feelings of selflessness, frustration, disappointment, and fear with the adoption process, and speaks freely regarding the poor adoption systems in place in America. She says, “At the very least, we assumed there was an adoption system in place that works, and that we could move from the notional if we get a child…to the unshakable when

[emphasis in original]” (Gilmore, 2013). Like so many other Americans considering adoption, Gilmore assumed there was a tried and true system already in place; she quickly learned there was no such arrangement.

The author describes several complicated decisions she needed to make in the adoption process– should the adoption be open or closed? What ethnicities are available for adoption? What is best for the child? What will happen if the baby has Down Syndrome?

Gilmore outlines the heartbreak she and her husband experienced after being “matched” with a birthmother to pursue an open adoption five separate times.  She explains that some men and women, who may not have been pregnant at all, were merely posing as birthmothers and birthfathers. Finally, she details the emotions experienced after bringing a child home, and after several weeks, having to relinquish the child due to the baby’s father suddenly coming back into the picture.

Lastly, Gilmore talks about the lack of structure and laws available to all parties involved in the adoption process.  She says, “Every adoption story begins with the story of someone breaking someone else’s heart” (Gilmore, 2013). She speaks about her concern and anxiety with her newly adopted son; saying she is afraid to use the word “son,” for fear that is too permanent of a word choice.

This article provides a realistic view of how adoption works in America.  The author does a good job of telling the truth about the chaotic process of adopting a child, especially a newborn, and is also forthcoming about expectations that she had before entering the adoption process.  This article dispels many of the commonly held assumptions and myths in the general population regarding adoption, the adoption system, and permanency.  This article’s largest strength is the emotional vulnerability displayed while trying to adopt a child. Gilmore acknowledges that adoption is not an easy process and everyone should be prepared for a challenge. One weakness of this article was the lack of elaboration in her happiness to finally have a successful adoption of her son. Overall, this brief editorial is a valuable tool for parents thinking of pursuing adoption internationally or in the United States.